College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
