The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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