It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My dick has a subreddit
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm bleeding and have questions
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
