so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
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Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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