we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
