I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
