If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
