my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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