I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
