so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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