Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
