I can text with my tongue
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
