Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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