Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
