I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
