Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
