i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
