I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i drank out of a bidet.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
