Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
