low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You pole danced in your parka.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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