i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
