Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Someone signed my nipple.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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