I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
