Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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