The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
