I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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