She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
