There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
