I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
