You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
