don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
