You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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