I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
