apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
