I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
