I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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