Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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