"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
