Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have feelings that need drinking.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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