Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize