I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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