he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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