So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
