So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
