wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
