I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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