Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
