Are we in a gay sports bar?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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