Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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