I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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