So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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