I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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