She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm too high and old for this...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
