found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
