two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
