Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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