I just gift wrapped bread.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
