Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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