There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
