Ketchup is God's man juice
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
