I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
