wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm just crazy horny about you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
