I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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