I puked a lego.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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