yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
