dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
