Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
