just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
